Where is God in the Darkness?

Did you know David in the Bible battled severe depression? “How long must I bear pain in my soul, and have sorrow in my heart all day long?” Ps 13:2. He knew the darkness and hopelessness we feel. He questioned God often why he left him alone: “Why, O Lord, do you stand far off? Why do yo hide yourself in times of trouble?” Ps 10:1.
Those of us who battle depression, often ask why we feel so alone. Not only physically but spiritually as well. We see people so full of joy for God. All we feel is abandoned and angry. Why me God?
Well, why not me? Yesterday I talked about the beauty of depression/bipolar disorder. “But you do see! Indeed you note trouble and grief, that yo may take it into your hands; the helpless commit to you; you have been the helper of the orphan.” Ps 10:14. He is there for you. He gave you this gift because He loves you and knew that you were special enough to handle it.
That just popped in my brain:) I am not a Bible scholar or a priest. I am just a survivor who is looking for answers and comfort from God. Honestly? I don’t always find comfort from God. I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t question Him sometimes. But, ultimately, I always come back to Him and His words for comfort. “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my help and my God.” Ps 42:11.
I love the Psalms. They put God’s word in simple terms that give me hope.
“For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm to give you a future with hope.” Jeremiah 29:17. When my mind is racing a mile a minute and I cannot control my thoughts and moods, I have to try hard and remind myself of this. This is God’s plan for me. In my mini-manic state is when I am most creative as well. I try to take advantage of those times and write down the turmoil which consumes me.
God’s plan for me at this season in my life is to relate to you what a mind like mine is like. In words, I am trying to get you to understand a loved one or even yourself.
I am well right now. I am thinking clearly and I see a light at the end of the tunnel. I am doing all the right things that make me healthy. I take a day at a time and measure my emotions.
I have colitis. It is chronic. I will always have to take medicine for it. I am in remission. Clinical depression and Bipolar Disorder are pretty much chronic. With Bipolar, I will always have to take medicines. With the right meds and structured days, I can live a healthy, happy life.
God has given me a gift, but with this gift comes responsibility. I have to take care of myself in honor of God and my family and friends. Take care of your gift and take care of yourself.

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